My last season competitively, our rivals had this one little punk on their left wing who was all elbows and sticky hands, throwing skill moves and howling like a baby whenever they didn’t come off and he lost the ball.

Every time anyone came near him to defend, he’d flop around and cry foul, but would jump on your feet, throw elbows, pull shorts, punch in the back, etc. I’d had it, so in the second half I two footed him with 10 yards of steam and no intention of getting the ball, and heard a loud “click” as he went down and rolled around like Martinelli. “That’s how you foul you little fuck!” I got to yell in his face before I got my red and he got carried off.

I didn’t have the temperament to play college ball, really, but I think of that every time I see one of the red scum rolling around from minimal contact. Show Partey what a real foul is.