I understand what you are saying. When I was in school, I regularly met with a psychologist and that did help. After graduating, I met with a 2 psychologists and they weren't the right fit for me. I know I should try more.

I will look around for books about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. You're the first person to recommend that.

Though my relationship with my family does have its ups and downs, I wholeheartedly believe that I should cut all ties. It has been my goal since sophomore year of high school to do so. I've had lots of friends in between that encouraged me to improve the relationship. I've genuinely tried "sucking it up" and just being as nice as possible as well as trying to negotiate and be fair. In the end, it really is just the atmosphere that my family brings with them. When I was in school and if they every visited, they'd always point out all the things wrong I was doing and how I'd been wasting time because I wasn't doing things the way they wanted, such as doing something in computer engineering. I also have had lifelong health problems because my parents smoked when they were younger (I think) and I am continuously reminded of the burden I am when it comes to the medicines I need or the allergies I have.

A part of me also might not be able to deal with my family anymore. I've had many phases throughout the past couple of years. When I was a teen, I mostly was quiet, depressed, and took whatever attacks they gave me. Then, I eventually became rebellious and might have had a short fuse and bipolarness when I had to deal with them during the college years. I eventually learned to calm myself in school and I was doing pretty well. However, I'd often have episodes where I just couldn't contain some incredible sadness or anger whenever I have to have a conversation with family members. They'd just say things or do things in a certain way and I'd have a sudden influx of those childhood feelings again. (Maybe that's minor PTSD)