I've been mostly NC for years (It was broken twice due to events beyond my control, but thats a story for another time, lets just say those few minutes cemented my reasons for NC), however I havent changed my number for a few reasons. One: Im lazy and dont want to go through all my accounts and change them all. Two, Im not going to let her win and force me to change my life to avoid her, besides crazy is crazy and in this age it wouldn't be hard to find someone's number even if changed. Three, I want a peephole to warn me of danger should it approach, because again, crazy is crazy and there is no logic that can be followed to predict their behavior other than it being crazy. If there was a mob with pitchforks and torches outside your door would you ignore it or would you peek out every once and a while to make sure you dont need to reinforce something or grab a bucket of water to put out a fire? Its just how I have chosen to handle it (being as I still work and live within an hour of her), but it will be different for each person, you dont have to block for closure, it depends on your situation and resolve. For the first few years I still got texts and calls (all of which ignored and remain unanswered) on holidays, but this past year it must have finally sunk in and I haven't gotten holiday texts. You have to remain vigilant and stick to your guns if you keep that line open.
How have you guys grieved the loss of your mother (who isn't actually dead)?
It's hard to explain, for me I've always been able to detach from people relatively easily so I just detached from her. Granted this was brought on after decades of various forms of abuse and creepy attachments, the final straw was when she attacked my wife... Latino women, they can be a special kind of crazy. If for whatever reason I find myself in a moment of pity for her I just have to think back on the years of guilt manipulation and shit she put us through and it vanishes instantly. I also dont ascribe to the philosophy of "forgive and forget." She instilled that in us, partially because of religion but also because it would ensure she could do whatever she wanted and still be in our good graces, that you always stick by and forgive family (only her mind you) because that is all you have. She would tell us "Don't trust or tell secrets to anyone other than family (her), not even your future wife. Because you can get divorced and she will use it against you, but I will always love and protect you, I will always be your real family." The levels of fucked upness in that statement are pretty shocking, and thats only the tip of the iceberg, so I just think about shit like that and it cements my resolve to have nothing to do with her. I guess I spent all the fucks I could ever have for anyone putting up with her nonsense that I feel no pity, remorse, or guilt over having nothing to do with her. She could die at any moment and I can honestly say I would feel nothing about it. I had a sibling that unfortunately inherited many of our nmom's mental illness and traits, and through various circumstances I went NC with them at the same time as my nmom. As bad as it may sound, they killed themselves a while back and I felt nothing when I found out, so I guess for lack of a better term I steeled my heart and grieved their passing when I went NC. I just became indifferent to the plights of narcs, I've sacrificed more than 10 lifetimes worth of energy dedicated to feeding them that now it doesnt phase me in the slightest.
Im glad to hear you have broken away from your situation, going NC was one of the best things I have done and I have been exponentially better off for it. It can be hard at times but this is a great support community. Best of luck to you and stay strong.