This will be our 3rd baby. My first two are 10 months and 27 days apart, so I definitely understand being afraid of being judged. There will be a 5 year age gap between this baby and my son (my second child).
We weren’t actively TTC with this pregnancy (we were TTC for 6 months at the beginning of 2018, but after several losses back to back, we stopped because I couldn’t handle it emotionally anymore), and so far we have been met with lots of happiness and love around it, but we have only told immediate family members and very close friends.
I am positive that we will get the usual “you DO know how that happens, right?” comments, heck my own uncle told my dad and mom in a text after my son was born “congrats on being grandparents... AGAIN! we know that mulbr knows how to make babies, let’s see if she knows how to get into college!” This was my dad’s brother and my dad flipped shit on my behalf. I was actually in college at the time so I found it ironic and just laughed it off, but I don’t speak to said uncle anymore for numerous reasons. His judgmental attitude is a big one.
So I guess my point is, if people make comments that make you uncomfortable, confront them and/or cut them out of your life. You’re pregnant. Do you need to go through that kind of stress? You don’t, and you deserve better than that kind of attitude from friends, family and community in general.
If you are not comfortable with confronting them, try your hardest to not talk to them. Because again, you don’t need that stress. You have a toddler, a baby and you are pregnant. Remember that! :) I’ve been through a toddler and a baby together before two and it is HARD! I couldn’t imagine having gone through it pregnant, so props to you! You are doing great!
I can relate to having preemies, both of mine were early (34+4 and 35+2) and while I’m not sure of what your situation was, I went into preterm labour both times due to stress. They could find nothing medically wrong with me. Just stress, which caused my blood pressure to rise, me and baby’s heart rates to rise and it also caused early labour contractions. My daughter spent one week in NICU and my son came home with me, so I don’t understand that aspect of it on a personal level but I sympathise with you.
If people think you’re trashy, fuck them. You and your husband are happy about having another baby. While yes, it is definitely better on your body to wait at least a year or two before having another baby, it’s not necessary and it’s not a reason for your doctor to bitch at you and if he or she does, I HIGHLY recommend switching doctors.
I will say that I personally had a rough go of it with pregnancies back to back but mine were literally a few months apart. I gave birth in October and found out I was pregnant again in mid February. However my brother and I are 13 months apart and we were both full term babies and my mom had very easy pregnancies so to me it just depends on each woman and her body. So again if your doctor has something negative to say (I’m not talking about advice to make a close pregnancy easier or healthier, I mean if he or she is trying to shame you, so I hope that doesn’t come across wrong!) find a new doctor.
Sorry if this was all over the place, I just wanted to try to help as much as I can. If you need to talk, please feel free to reach out. You are doing great! And don’t let other people’s opinions get you down. I know it’s hard to not care what other people think. Sometimes it’s almost impossible especially if it comes from family or close friends or a medical professional, or really anyone who’s opinion generally matters to you. But if it helps, remember that you are pregnant and have two children two care for, so you definitely don’t need any added unnecessary stress!