[SV] Got to change my flair and finally feel like I am on my way down for good....

Well, my partner contracted Giardia two and a half years ago. (A parasite that hides in your intestines) It took almost six months to beat it and he ended up going from 165 to a little below 130 at 5'9. He looked sickly. Part of the cooking frenzy started there with me constantly pushing him to EAT EAT to regain some of that loss. He had just moved in with me and I found it my mission to cook him back to health. Well we both gained 40 pounds. He is a little unahppy with his size, but I wouldn't say he is overweight. He would like to tone a bit though.

Honestly though, health IS a huge factor with him and our bedroom. He is a smoker, and gets out of breath very easily. If he gets a cold, it settles in his lungs and lives there for months. This is mostly why he can't always round that finishing lap. We aren't kids and things that didn't slow us down in our 20s play a major part in our extra curriculars now. We also went through some financial duress this past Fall, and his self esteem was pretty crappy for a bit. He recently started a new job, and with us eating separately during the day, I can pack more veggies onto my plate when he is a pasta, meat and potatoes guy. I'm hoping that my energy rush will motivate him to make some healthy changes as well.

I know it probably truly isn't my appearance that is killing our intimacy, but I need to do something because his lack of desire is depressing the hell out of me. I can't nag or guilt him into quitting smoking, he needs to want that all on his own. (I still nag a bit, though.) I really appreciate your insight.

Motivation works for me, but I set tiny goals. When I quit smoking 6 years ago, I couldn't look at it as a lifestyle change. It was too scary. It felt like I would never havr fun again. Instead, I carried a pack with me every where I went in case something happened and I needed it. It was a security blanket. I would tick off days, then weeks, then months but never said I had quit until a year or two had passed. I was just "not smoking". Changing my eating habits is the same for me. I won't throw out all my high cal ingredients or refuse to cook for my partner. I'm just not eating that stuff right now. It's there if I "need" it. And making the choice gets easier and easier the longer I do it. A lifestyle change is the long term goal, but looking at that is a little overwhelming. So, I have this thing that I want and this is how I think I can achieve it. When I do, I find another thing that gets me moving forward. I agree though, that if you leave weightloss to simply a means to a singular end or by willpower alone, you will fail. Repitition and discipline will get you the results you need when the intrinsic desire to feel better fizzles out.

Thanks for your feedback and for sharing those personal things!

/r/loseit Thread Parent