Sx 4 and extreme anger issues

I don't have an answer for dealing with grudge but I can give you more perspective on 8s and 4s.

As far as I understand I believe 8s and 4s hold grudge in different way. 8s want to immediately respond to unfairness. 4s/SX tends to be more artistic about revenge. It's need to be "proper".

I can imagine a case where 8s was cheated by their spouse, they will want to clear and breakup as soon as possible, possibly with some lashes of anger.

4s can do thing like in Gone Girl where they spend few years plan exact detail of revenge to make it really proper and make sure another party "feel the same".

4s revenge came from inner fixation of comparison. It's not fair if other don't feel the same pain as me, specifically emotionally. 8s is more about establishing boundary and vent out the anger. Fairness for 8s is more on physical side while 4s is more emotional side.

I have an example: I know 4s who tired of their friends being late and waste her time. Their way of expressing this unfairness is not just her being late as well. They also make sure it must be time wasting for other side. They made an appointment n a place where there is no coffee shop or any activity for other to kill time, so other can also experience what does it feel to get time of your life completely wasted, and then they come late at that appointment.

8s tend be more simple like: If you can late, I can late. Physically fair is enough.

/r/Enneagram Thread