Taking my stalker to court

I believe that is all too true. To a violent narcissist, a restraining order is just a piece of paper and it doesnt physically protect you from him, ots just a warning to stay away in the eyes of the law. It's a terrible and exhausting way to live, but you're going to have to keep your head on a swivel for a long time to come. Dont hesitate to call 911 if he shows up at your door. Dont yell through the door to tell him you're calling them either...dont give him an warning. Unfortunately, I've been through the same thing and dealt with it for 4yrs. Like you, he was so sweet, respectful and kind when we met and throughout the first year. The second yr, by now, I'm in with him way too deep, I learned that he had a history of alcoholism with 4 dui's and very violent. I didnt know that he had been taking a daily pill so that he couldnt consume alcohol throughout our first yr and he was nothing but a gentleman to me during that first yr. things just went from bad to worse during the 2nd, 3rd and 4th yr. It ended with him puting a gun to my head and said "your dead bitch, you're dead." I dont know where my strength came from because I felt like I went numb, but onviously my adrenaline kicked in and I was able to roll back and kick him into a wall on one side of the room and ran for my life in the other direction. I never called the police though, I just wanted it over. the phone calls were endless (this was way before cell phones) and when I didnt answer, he showed up at my apart at 4am trying to break in. Ive never been so friggen terrified in my life. He used a razor blade to cut away all the weather stripping around the window lock. once that was cleared out, he pushed the razor blade in and popped the lock of the window. I had 911 on the phone and went into pure panic on the phone as soon as I heard the window slide open. The operator tried her damndest to keep me calm, but by this time I was fully terrified and knew without a doubt I would soon be dead. I dont know how the operator got my attention for me to even hear her, but she said not to repeat her, but that the police were there and that he was surrounded and that I'd be ok. I never heard the sirens, lights, nothing. As soon as his head broke the plane of the window (as soon as he stuck his head thru the window to crawl in), he was technically inside inside of my apartment and all hell broke loose outside when cops came from every direction to pull him out. somehow how he was able to get free and ran, but he was tackled in the parking lot and went to jail. Before they took him away, I did the restraining order paperwork right there in my apt. I could hear him yelling and screaming through the closed door of the police car and my apt with the door closed. I called my uncle, who was an atty and he had me meet him at his office at 7am. We went to his first appearance and I spoke with the judge. He stayed in jail bc his family couldn't afford his bail. Against the restraining order, his family started calling me whining that theyve already taken a second mortgage out of their home so theyve got no way to finance his bail and for me to please drop the charges. My uncle made sure, it was the state charging him, not me, so I had no way to drop the charges even if I wanted to. Anyway, I knew I couldnt stay in my hometown anymore, which was devestating bc my whole family, 4 generations, all lived there. I ended up joining the military, which was something I always wanted to do, but never had the oomph in me to take the first steps to join. For a solid 3-4yrs, I had horrific nightmares/night terrors that he was hunting me or that he was in my dorm or apt waiting to kill me. I would wake up screaming, fighting and crying. I NEVER sought counseling, which I should have and would highly recommend to any victim/survivor of DV. I can only thank God and my awesome family for being such a great support system for me. It's been 28-29yrs since and I've been home to visit maybe a dozen times. thank God I've never run into him on any of those visits and I really thought maybe he was dead from some alcohol-related incident until I joined fb and saw a friend request from him. I'm good now but it took years upon years to there. Take care of yourself, be safe and do whatever it takes to get establish a life that you enjoy. NOT EVERYONE WHO IS WITH YOU IS FOR YOU...dont every forget that, so keep your circle small with who you share your information and your whereabouts.

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