Here’s how I take care of these situations: First, keep up whatever vibe you’ve been doing but do it with more inconsistent response time (long and short). Not enough that he would address the long periods but enough that he has to begin lowering his expectations. After that, make your short response times less often and crank up the longer response times. He’ll probably start trying harder, so make sure you keep the “busily affectionate for unaccountable distancing.” FINALLY, a few days before the date I send something like “hey, would it be cool if we call a rain check on dinner? Just want to be straight with you ab where my head is at… since we met I did think I was ready to date but with other personal shit happening in my life i don’t wanna end up leading any guy on rn. I just don’t think it’s in the cards for me to date anytime soon b/c I gotta do me to get past this. I truly think your great though, just didn’t want to flake on something we were excited for”, make the convo casual again and continue dripping response times to your ideal relationship level :)