Well it's starting to look like i'm a high functioning autistic. I somehow managed to teach myself social skills or at least my modified version of them. It's more of a well tuned act for me while other people seem to feel all of it. Their thoughts are deeply connected to their mouths. I carefully choose my words and behavior when i can. I simply think twice before i act.

I didn't realize that i was having trouble with anxiety until a few years ago. I somehow didn't learn enough about anxiety to form a good grasp of it. It's taken me about a year or more of introspection to clearly outline it and know when i'm feeling it. I sort of figured it was a kind of frustration while growing up. Now i realize that it's almost like a mental pain or ache.

It got so bad recently that i am now technically disabled because of it. I don't plan to be this way for long. I'm using this time to design a life system for the next 25 years and beyond. Also trying to passively help others while i do.