Here's mine, just to get the ball rolling.

Started out with something fairly ordinary: eating a piece of fish. Little did I know that they would plunge me into the depths of six degrees of separation hell within hours.

I started to feel sick a couple of hours later and went upstairs to throw up. Mistake number one, thinking I could beat biology: ended up puking all over the stairs on my way up because I was like, "Fuck you, expertly crafted biological defense mechanism against infection, I can will power myself out of this." Spoiler alert: I could not.

So I finish puking all over every surface on the way upstairs and manage to get approximately 0.1% of it in the toilet. Nice. Classy. INTJs, the pinnacle of human grace and charm. I clean the puke up with a cloth because I'm honestly too tired to go downstairs and do it properly.

While I'm in the bathroom, I decide to wash my face. I begin absent-mindedly (unknowingly at the time) trolling myself by thinking about something else. Guess which cloth I used to wipe my face? If you guessed the cloth that I had just cleaned up my puke with, you would be correct. 10 points to Gryffindor.

As I was washing off my cloth AND my face, I started thinking about how this would make an excellent example of Se fails for a Reddit post. In doing do, I Se failed myself once again by ignoring a persistent tickling on my leg. I looked down and it took me about five seconds, but what was probably actually 15 minutes because I'm so fucking slow, to realize that it was a spider.

So then, in the ultimate act of Se failure, I freaked out so hard that I kicked it ONTO MY CHEST and then spent the next 10+ minutes going through a fucking biohazard safety suit cleaning routine to purge myself of spider remnant, but which probably appeared to the seasoned observer as me trying to send all of my limbs into the void with Exodia. Summon my limbs, Exodia. Rid me of them. Please.

It took me ten minutes to write this post because I'm so traumatized.