Sorry for the rant. But I'd like to provide an example of this that is happening right now. I helped a friend through a nasty, prolonged breakup with an angry, manipulative, abusive boyfriend that lasted over a year and a half. Anytime she called, I was there. I did a host of other things to help as well, including lending money, building a computer (which took 5 nights as there were some hardware issues, and this was happening the same week as my university exams... but she "needed it"... and the first night I was there, while she was still dating the ex-BF, she invited her ex husband over and they fucked in the next room. So that was fun.) , babysitting, etc.
I did this because I considered her a friend, I thought of her like a sister, and because she is a single mother, I enjoyed helping her and also just enjoyed the company. During this time I was also having my own issues, so we were sounding boards for each other. She would invite me over to spend the night at least once a week, we would talk daily either by text, in person, or by phone. I had keys to her apartment. As soon as she started dating someone new, the text messages stopped, the calls stopped, the invitations stopped. Responses to text messages became monosyllabic, 60 minute phone calls turned into 3 minute calls.
At this same time I had a host of other issues and stressors building up, everything seemed to be going badly, fights with my parents, issues with money and school, health issues, etc. I got to a really, really bad point, probably the worst I've ever had, started drinking and/or sleeping all day, and attempted overdose with alcohol and pain pills 3 or 4 times over 2 months. My memory of this period is sketchy so I don't remember exactly. I hid this fact for nearly 3 months. One day she had invited me over to fix her computer (surprise). I was already fairly drunk getting there, but then we continued together and I got blackout drunk and let it all out.
At a mutual gathering, as we were leaving, I ended up telling another friend, as she helps me with some things that sort of depend on me being healthy, and I was obviously not healthy and needed to explain to her why, and later her sister, as she's a doctor. We left, and I texted the other friend to please not tell anyone. In the car with the first friend we proceeded to get into a blowout argument as she was being incredibly judgemental, telling me suicidal people go to hell, etc., which pissed me off as she's done a bunch of shit that I have never judged her for. We were supposed to go to another gathering together afterwards, once we drove up I ordered a taxi and didn't say another word to her. When I got home I went to the pharmacy and the liquor store and downed a shit ton of both pills and alcohol. It didn't work, obviously. I didn't clean the puke from the carpet for 4 days.
I texted her after three days apologizing for my own behavior. I did not try and justify, did not bring up that she had made me angry, etc. Maybe that was my mistake. Her response was that 'you're not doing anything to be positive', 'I'm not going to pity you'. Haven't heard from her in 3 weeks now except once when she called to ask if I could sit with her kid while she took her BF to the airport, and once to ask for the keys to her apartment as an acquaintance was staying with her for a week and she needed a second set.
In the last 3 weeks I have been contacted exactly once by a living human being when they weren't asking me to do something. No one responds to my messages, or if they do, there's no attempt at conversation. I've deleted all the contacts from my phone, blocked my social media page, deleted viber, etc. Probably 3-4 times an hour I go through a cycle of extreme sadness, then anger, then guilt, then back to anger, then numbness. I try to sleep as much as I can which is easy since my classes are over, I live alone in a different country, I quit my sport, and that time is the only time I don't feel like a pile of dog shit. I lived 24 years without close friends and without any kind of relationship, no siblings. I was so happy when I finally started getting close to people. Now I realize that it was better being alone to never know how shitty this feels. I can't imagine myself loving someone or someone loving me, and I legitimately fear the reaction I would have during a breakup. Sorry for the long post.