I'm terrified

While I was feminine in personality from a young age, it wasn't until I was 18 and joined the gay rave scene when I presented more femme. In my experiences - read, abuses, beatings, "f*g bashings" - being seen as male and presenting femme leads to a justifiable anxiety. My past stories and countless other femme male presenting folks all echo the same thing: 'violence if you violate the toxic masculine rules.'

give me some advice

As ugly as it is, it is an important survival-coping mechanism: code switch. If you live in a violent area, like I did young, then you might exerience very real violence. So knowing when, where, and how to push "boundaries" is important - quotes because I don't think we should have to code switch.

Other than that, activism. The world isn't going to just "wake up" and accept us as queers. It's only going to do that through activism and educating the newest generations to be more accepting.

to be less scared

I was pretty fearless, but I also hated I was trans and lived a very active death wish. I used to want to die something fierce, and I did a lot of reckless things; which actually lead to me having a phrase named after me for when someone recklessly endagers their lives. But with most things, once you've overcome the necessary uncomfortable beginnings, then you will have enough experience to know how to compromise with presenting the way you want and staying safe.

Fwiw, my nb-FTM spouse is of a similar nature. Somedays they want to be very masculine in appearance, and other days they want to be very feminine. And they too struggle with this very thing.

hugs <3