Okay this is going to be a very long story. I am a 22 year old female who was adopted by parents who only did it for the money. I was raised in a cult and abused by my parents until I was 13 years old. I was adopted from birth. I have been basically been homeless since I was 18. I have a 3 year old daughter who I haven't taken care of because of my insecurities. She lives with her father. I call her and send her clothes but I wany to get her back. I have been moving from place to place since I was 18. This is where I need a lot of serious advice. I met a man about 7 months ago and I potentially ruined his life but I think about him everyday. Our relationship started out purely sexual but I was so embarrassed of myself I lied to him the entire time and did massive amounts of drugs while being with him and his friends. I lived in Pa and became homeless because my roommates moved to Alaska so I moved to Florida with someone who I thought was my best friend. Turns out he was a heroin addict and since I succumb to peer pressure easily I started shooting but that only lasted 2 weeks because I got an infection in my hand and almost died. I also quit my job and having no savings started prostituting myself to "pay my bills". I would party with my friends and do molly and cocaine just to impress people. Anyway the guy I was with had never been to my apt because he lived in a house and I was embarrassed living in a studio with 4 people. On top of that I was prostituting and chilling with his friends for no good reason. Then when he said he was going to leave me I tried to turn my life around while keeping everything that I was doing a secret from him. I lied to him about my job and told him I worked at a non-profit which I didn't. Then on top of that my friend in the north had a non-profit and I came up with an idea to improve it but there was no evidence that anything was getting done. In an effort to try and keep this man I tried to open a non-profit in him and his friends name. All the while having no idea how to do it. I lied and said that the one in the north got a million dollar grant from the government and it wasn't true. Umm then since I was spending so my time with this man my friend got jealous and kicked me ouy on the street. I was literally sleeping outside with these random homeless people I met. The man who I was sleeping with fell for me but he would lie to me about stuff too. He was sleeping with prostitutes which I did not mind. He also was sleeping with other women which I didn't mind. Also I left him for three weeks to try and help my friend with his non-profit in the north over thanksgiving and came back right before Christmas but I may or may not have been pregnant because I went to the hospital because I have angina and when I went the doctors said I was and I told him I was but whenever I took tests they said negative but I had all the symptoms. Due to all the stress I may have miscarried and told him within that 3 week span. We were together for 5 months. Meeting every weekend and just having a mostly physical relationship. Anyway as soon as I got back my roommate kicked me out and I didn't want to tell the guy so I slept on the street instead. Got raped right before new years told him and he didn't know what to say. I think I may have had a manic episode and now we do not speak at all. While I was sleeping outside I got arrested for trespassing and now have a felony because I had 4 unprescribed muscle relaxers on me. Now I am working on getting it off my record, I go to church often, work a normal job and maintaining a relationship with my daughter. Also I lied to him about having lots of money. Which I had none. By either march or January this will be off of my record. Also I blew his enemy on new years cause he refued to hang out with me. When he found out I was in jail he td me to never call him again. My questions are do I have a chance of getting back with this guy because I feel like he was the one? What do you advise I do and what can I do to make mysf better? I felt like I was in a dream world or a trance when I was with him. Also I do not leave my house because I am afraid of running inot his friends which I did the other day and they laughed at me. I am a horrible excuse for a human being. He is miserable now and I do not know if it is because he misses me or just choose the wrong woman again. Should i message him? At least to apologize? Or should I leave him be? I have not spoken to him or his friends in 7 months. He said we could get back together later but right now I am about 6 months away from getting my daughter back and I want some advice.