Ah, I'm trying to. Just wish I could look like the type of person I want to be (and this isn't even that narrow of an image, I don't want to be Stacy that much). It's like lowkey dysphoria or something--that's what leads me to my breakdowns, not the nasty abuse I sometimes get.

I think it's a necessary to not care. It's just hard for me because I'm an extremely vulnerable person. Not even that emotional. It's like everything that happens to me never gets old....including the occasional insult. And tbh they're rarer now. Maybe it'll continue as I grow older...I just wish I was happy with being invisible as that's my destiny.

Oh and fun fact I've always felt like death and in pain after applying makeup, straight up lethargic and numb all over my body. I even got red eyes even if I just put dots of concealer over my acne. Thought I was tripping for many years. Turned out at the allergist I found out that I was having an extreme reaction to the most common skincare/makeup ingredients. Proof that makeup's evil? <.<