My sister and I moved in with my step mom, step sister and brother, and dad. about nine years ago. We were victims of child abuse from my mom. I've forgiven her. When I get down here I'm a troublesome kid. Acting out in school. Getting suspended. I didn't really hang out my my siblings in school. Occasionally my dad would get into physical arguments. When I was going to tenth grade, me and my brother clique so well. We were the funniest guys at school. I did decent with getting chicks and high school went great. I started going to church with my step mom. And derpinA is there. She's beautiful. I saw her from afar. I was young and met her. She and I got along better than ducks and bread. I knew the moment I saw her she would be the one. The first year was wonderful even with the restrictions and restraints on our relationship. I felt like the luckiest guy out there. I remember sneaking her over at midnight. She'd lay on my chest and we would talk about anything until the sun came up. I was shown what true love was. I felt like we would survive a Jewish concentration camp. I was in love. And then everything took a turn for the worst. To start off she went on a trip to a waterpark with my sister and two others fellas. One of those guys owns the local bar so he's paying the expenses. So the night before she leaves I want to spend time with her, but she insists on staying at the bar. I'm also going out of town also. So I wanna see her. Well the next day we both depart. She leaves early and I can't see her one last time. When we get back she's a bit distance. I ask her what's wrong. She hits me with I had a foursome with three dudes. I get passed it somehow. Then some more news. She sucked her exes dick. So by this point I'm done. A couple years pass and we reconnect. Stupid me. We party and fucked every night. My brother, my buddy, and us would ride around and take Xanax and smoke. Well it's another night and we are doing the same ole. My brother takes me home first because me and derpina were arguing. Well they go to her sisters house to crash. They ended up fucking. Ever since then I've been destroyed inside. I feel like I've lost the emotion of love. I have serious trust issues. Everything is bottled up and I feel so alone. Just another day in my life. I have abandonment issues. My parents are distant from me. They'd rather talk to my other siblings instead. Maybe I envy them. I could be overreacting. I mean all I do is wake up smoke weed and go to work. An occasional hey every once in a while. The other side of my family is fucked also. Hell my sister accused my dad of molestation. One side believes, one side doesn't. I'm stuck in the middle trying to fix everything. I dream of a happy social family lifestyle. I try to act like I have a heart of steel, but on the inside I am destroyed. I feel every attempt I try talk to someone it just get blown up in my face. I am miserable with no future plans. I feel like I'm stuck in a loop