Is their a biological reason for why men can’t problem solve childcare tasks?Or is it weaponized incompetence? It drives me insane

I think you’d be surprised the things one person finds second nature or extremely obvious and that another does not see at all, and I don’t say that in judgment like I really mean it from experience where an ex I had was an incredibly clean person who insisted our kitchen be flawless, like FDA approved, every night before bed.

So I would clean it in my way and think it was fine but when he’d walk through he’d say “no, look at the counters there’s a food mark there from earlier today you need to scrub off, look at the stovetop it needs to be soaped and watered, and don’t use the hand towels use the wiping towels. No they don’t look the same, no, they don’t.”

Yeah he was super anal and it didn’t work out, but in a vacuum it taught me a lot for things I didn’t see before while living on my own. The human mind is so highly adaptable it is honestly scary, our habits are such powerful things and forming new ones requires cognizance that a LOT of people lack the desire or concentration or willpower to do.

If he can’t find the kid’s bottle one time, who cares (to him/from his POV maybe), no one died and you’re the one who does it (I’m guessing) 99% of the time, so who cares. Oh that dish didn’t get handwashed properly, their response might be “eh, who cares, is anyone going to get hurt from that really?”

Their values aren’t aligned with yours.

So, maybe this can be helped by being slightly more accommodating to his knowledge level difference, he may need more time than you to see an obvious thing in someone else’s eyes (please don’t ban me for saying this, I’m sorry if this sounds rude but I mean this in good faith), and on the other hand of course it can also 100% be helped by him both showing more respect for the sheer library of knowledge one must create in their brain in order to live with a growing child and taking more initiative.

But complete lack of respect as well as being taught multiple times how to put a bottle together still results in him throwing up his hands and acting helpless shows a bad faith effort for sure.

/r/breakingmom Thread