This is so interesting. I've noticed my therapist sharing little things that are relevant to me, but one thing that perhaps he didn't realize was relevant to me is that he's married to a man.

The funny thing is, I'd guessed he was gay (based on a few context clues in his little self-written description of how he does therapy in the therapist listings online) before I even talked to him and then many clues once I talked to him further strengthened my hunch.

Why does this matter?

Because my mother was my abuser, and it makes me feel... icky... to be in a relationship (and therapy is a relationship) with a woman as an authority figure. The combination of intimacy and authority imbalance that defines therapy makes it impossible for me to feel comfortable if my therapist is a woman.

Buuuut... I also feel fundamentally uncomfortable with straight male therapists. I worry they might be attracted to me.

So it has to be a gay guy if I want to avoid either associating my therapist with my mother or worrying a man will find me sexually attractive. I was so pleased when I learned my hunch about him was right.

Sometimes seemingly unimportant things actually matter a lot to clients.

(PS: sorry if it seems wrong to judge people based on their sexuality, but I do think therapy is different: it's about being vulnerable and nurtured; it's not a relationship of peers; and so I don't feel too bad about needing a particular sort of person in order to feel less scared and uncomfortable.)