Therapists of Reddit, whats the weirdist thing a patient said to you?

I mean, not a licensed therapist or anything but I play one for my friends when they need one. The following aren't all from the same person.

In no particular order. "I fucked my dad as a kid. And I did it again last week."

"Why is there a submarine propeller on the ceiling? That's the issue with greasy-haired wisconsoners, they'll use it to fly to the moon and steal all the cheese." (They were very sick that day with a hogh fever and I'm not even sure they knew where they were that day, but hilarity ensued between them just unburdening their issues.) I wrote that one down to show them later. They showed it to their mother (who was from Wisconsin) with an apology. I was highly amused and falling out of my chair laughing.

"You know, there's a few people I wouldn't mind if they kidnapped and raped me and kept me locked up in their attic." (I wanted to show her r/OddlySpecific at that point.)

/r/AskReddit Thread