I haven't actually invited her yet - and at this point I'm pretty sure I'm not going to, just not sure how yet since she knows I meant to invite her.
She's an old friend from high school who recently moved to the same city as me to be closer to the rest of our friends. I don't see her much though because she's single and hates relationships. I'm not being catty - she says that she doesn't want to join us places because couples make it difficult for guys to come over and talk to her, or that she doesn't like any of the single guys that we hang out with so its not worth her time. Obviously our relationship has cooled significantly, however, my other friends convinced me that I needed to invite her because we've been friends since we were 13 and have been through quite a bit.
I designed our Save the Dates and had been giving them to our friends that live in the city when we'd meet up with them - it was so fun to see their reactions when they opened it. I tried to give her one (post-card sized magnet) while we were at a happy hour but she didn't even take it, she waved it off and said that she'd lose it and forget about it (has a large over-sized purse) so I'd better just mail it to her so she'd see if she'd be able to come. Then she turned her back to me - we were sitting next to one another - and started conversing with the person on the other side of her.
A few minutes later she turned back to me and asked, "Are you guys still doing it at <restaurant>?" At a previous happy hour she'd told me that I couldn't have a reception at my favorite restaurant because it wasn't classy enough for a wedding, and then spent the rest of the night mocking the idea. I said, "No, we're having it at <classy restaurant>, its an - " . The end of the sentence would have been "Italian restaurant on 45th St." but she had turned away again, fully pivoting in her seat again to talk to the person on the other side of her. I thought I might be too sensitive but the guy sitting across from us who I had just met that night had a shocked looked and then awkwardly said, "I'm interested in the end of that sentence..."
And again, a few minutes passes and she turns again and says, "My roommate and I (her roommate is a good friend) will only need one plus one between the two of us, we rotate which of us has a boyfriend at any given time." I respond by letting her know that its actually a really small wedding and we're not doing plus ones. She asked if we were doing a nerdy theme and we said we're incorporating some video game themes and she said, "Oh you should invite my sister! SHE'D actually enjoy that!" Her sister and my younger sister are friends, but I've never met her sister - she's much younger. Then she started talking about a mutual friend of ours who just got engaged in September and "cannot stop posting Facebook posts about her wedding!" - which is not true, she's posted like 4 things since then about it and probably 30 things about other stuff - her life, her pets, her job. Then that made me feel uncomfortable for even talking about my wedding at all - although it was only ever in response to her questions.
I've been wondering if I did something wrong by trying to give her the save the date at a happy hour - if it had just been that, I understand her not wanting to put a magnet in her purse, I would have just mailed it after like she'd asked, but the rest seemed...horrible. I was so uncomfortable. We have a venue limitation of 80 people and have people who truly want to come to support us and be excited for us that we can't invite because we're keeping it small.
I haven't sent the invitation yet - and I absolutely 100% do not want to. I just don't know if I'm allowed to retract a save the date - is it ok because she didn't take it? I still want to invite her roommate!