Is there anything that happened in your life that you never fully recovered from mentally and emotionally and why?

My father attempting to kill me when I was 13, after years prior seeing him attempting it on my mother. I was playing on the computer, while my mother asked me to do something several times - take a shower or so. As an angsty pre teen, I wanted to do it when I wished, there was no rush. When my father came home, my mother complained I am not listening and she does not know what to do with me anymore. I do not remember much, just my father reacting afted he asked my mother if she wants him to kill me. Next thing, he jumps and pushes my neck down till it hurts, then quickly goes to the kitchen to grab a knife. I rushed two houses down the street to my grandma's. I was crying, shaking and also to my shame, my pants were wet.

Last week, I had a panic attack because my mother attempted to threaten me with declaring me missed to police or deporting someone who was visiting me (I stayed over night to their airbnb) . I got my things in a rush, but I stopped in the bus station thinking about my actions, then went back. That evening I had a mini panick attack, having the impression they would be at the door if the airbnb at any moment. I could not stop shaking or feeling anxious. At the same time, I felt like the guilty one even though I was the victim. My reaction was the result of what happened above - I would answer emotionally or become anxiously to my parents threaths.

For a reason, I have a hard time letting go of my toxic family. If anyone has a reason, pls let me know. I hope I find it once I start theraphy.

/r/AskMen Thread