Was there a single event or time period that steered you toward misanthropy?

Single event? Heh. No. So many events-- too many to count --have made me hate humanity. It's been this way for a while, you know, since I was born. My mother was a BPD science denier (and later in my teenage years cult member) who emotionally abused/neglected me all throughout my childhood. She got physical more than once, an example being when I told her I was born in the wrong body. She would not have a transsexual as a child. She was an obstacle in my life, never close to a mother. I look in the mirror and I see myself growing into her physically and I want to stab my eyes out, I already inherited her BPD. Absolutely disgusting.

 

One would think that such a deficit could be filled with friendship, and perhaps this illusion works for some, I however never got such a luxury. I was harassed and excluded from my peers most of my life, so I was aware of my disdain for all other people by age 12 when I began to try to fill this void with opiates, which are expensive and therefor lead me to prostitution. Hopefully I don't need to tell you how disgusting patrons of child prostitutes can be. I was assaulted blackmailed into doing things up until my retirement at 15.

 

That was a pretty bad life, but I think what steered me to the level I'm at now, ultimately, was the fact that I was betrayed by my (former) best friend in the most profound way possible; Rape. And then stalking. And then blackmail. I'm still in hiding because of it. Police tried their best, but I came forward too late and the evidence was null. I was initially scared of his blackmail, and then I tried to be generous like a fool and not ruin his life, the empath that I was. The thing that pushes me here is the fact that I am a hypocrite. I am selfish and sadistic in my own ways.

 

This made me realize something; the entire world is like this, some just get better at hiding it. I entered into a sexual relationship with a woman who spread a rumor that I was on meth and attempted to murder her. She told everyone this and then she ran off with some frat dude. Close relationships, romances, by getting involved with one you risk your safety and liberty. The nicest and most charming man you get involved with will rape and murder you if you reject him or hurt his fragile ego, and the sweetest and most nurturing woman will destroy your life with rumors and cruelty to protect her position as queen of whatever variable she deems herself. The catty ego. Of course there are women who fill the role of rapists/murderers/stalkers and men who fill the role of profound liars/mountebanks/ruiners, against their "friends", do not get it twisted- I'm just talking Hollywood here. No, you can never have a best friend or "love of your life". They will ruin you.

 

Not to mention the shit people of both genders, people like my mother, do to their kids. Still, I look at gender inequality, men disallowed from showing their feelings or being treated gently, women predated and hated on the basis of their very being…and it upsets me even though I believe we’re all shit. All of us. It’s all sickening. That sounds a little like breaking rule 3, no? I don't want to give this last bit of a shit about the well-being of others. I don’t want this last remnant of a sense of empathy, no one is deserving of it.

Tl;dr: Awakening through suffering

/r/misanthropy Thread