There is something wrong with me or my house and it's driving me insane.

There's several possible causes of the noises you are hearing and the things you are seeing in your home. It is also possible that some of the causes are overlapping one another.

Off the top of my head and just with a quick review, depending on what you believe about life, your problem could be:

  • old house, settling with lots of bugs, dust, creepy crawlies
  • haunted house with spirits, ghosties, what have you
  • anxiety about being alone causing repetitive nearly obsessive thoughts
  • hallucinations - cause could be psychological or physiological

The suicide attempt sounds like there's something going on in your life neurochemically; either a physiological issue altering your perceptions and behaviors or a psychological disorder clouding your judgments and understanding of the world around you.

However, I don't know you, at all, and your story also reads like it could be an opening sequence to one of the latest horror films. I'm not judging you, in anyway, I just wanted to let you know I've heard and considered a lot of options about what might be going on in your life.

With that being said, my advisement to you would be to push for another medical evaluation. With any sort of perceptual disturbance, it can be important to rule out a medical condition before diagnosing a psychological condition. Sometimes, those go hand in hand. Either way, it's clear something is troubling you and that deserves attention.

I have felt nearly exactly what you described many, many, many times in my life and I have what is called complex PTSD. I suffered years of violent abuse as a child and it has led to my brain re-wiring itself in a state of hypervigilance. I am constantly aware and nearly always at least a little bit afraid. It's exhausting and overwhelming... even after decades of living this way.

There are treatments - non drug treatments - that can help with these symptoms. You can remind yourself over and over that things are "ok" and "fine." That works for me. I deep breathe a lot and repeat, "It's going to be ok, you're fine." Also, you adapt. If you feel safer sleeping with the lights on... sleep with the lights on. I promise there's ways you can feel safe regardless of the cause of your problems right now but most of them take some work.

I'm not saying your issue is anxiety. I don't know you. These things could just as likely be caused by another factor like the ones I listed above or ones I haven't even considered in this post. I promise you, though, that there's an answer and there are people who can help you feel safe in your home. Or, at least more safe than you feel right now.

I'm sending best wishes your way. I hope you get answers soon.

PS, I've also yelled into an empty house. It helps, sometimes, to just get it out. At least, that works for me sometimes. I hope you feel better as quickly as possible!

/r/offmychest Thread