I simply can't find any joy when I'm alone. It eats away at me. For 8 years now I've felt this emptiness, and I have nobody to talk to. I can't bring myself to tell my family because my anxiety is severe, and that's holding me back from therapy too. I just started antidepressants recently so I hope they help but I'm not getting my hopes up. I have an online therapy session in a week but knowing me I'll cancel because I can't even say "hi" to a stranger without getting extreme anxiety. I started a new job tonight and I wanted to die the entire time. My chest felt tight and my breathing was heavy, I barely said anything to my coworker that was training me. I don't even have a real personality other than being sad and quiet 24/7. I hate most people but at the same time I need people's approval to convince myself I'm not a worthless piece of shit. But people have always treated me like shit so it must be true.