This is the second "I'm suicidal" message I've responded to within three days.

First step: make an appointment to see your doctor. I'm serious. Seem him now, not later. You need to tell him exactly what you told us. Because suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. If you're THAT self-destructive, very little we can tell you will be of any use to you until you get that shit straightened out.

Second - You haven't failed at ANY aspect of life. You can't have failed. You're too young to have even tried. If you're still talking about dorms and classes, you're barely getting started. The worst that can be said about where you are right now is that you've gotten off to a poor start. Barely.

The bad news: life doesn't give "do overs." There's the occasional "mulligan" (close enough) but no "do overs."

The good news: You can start again, RIGHT NOW if you choose.

To begin (after calling your doctor for an appointment - and yeah, I meant RIGHT FUCKING NOW) get out of your dorm room. I don't care where you go, as long as there are PEOPLE. Ideally, fellow men. But ANY people will do. Even if you only make it as far as the Common Room on your floor tonight, go there. Bring a book. Bring a laptop. You don't have to talk to anybody. But you need to be OUT where there are other people. Pick up on the energy and vibe of just being around other people.

Do this for a couple of days. Then head to the gym. If you're in school, they've got one and it's free. Get on the treadmill and walk. Yes, walk. You say you're fat, so your wind is probably poor. You may feel you are not making a lot of progress walking on the treadmill. You are LAPPING the poor bastards sitting on the couch. Do this for a week.

Ask the gym attendant about a class on basic weight lifting. You need an orientation. start light.

I feel like Glenda the Fucking Good Witch of the North when I do this next part:

It's entirely up to you. YOU have the power to change your life for the better. Choose. Then act. If it doesn't turn out well, you choose again, and act again. Make things happen, don't just let things happen to you.