I can relate. I've been through an abusive childhood and family environment, molestation, alcohol and drug abuse, 30 years of severe depression and suicidal thoughts, OCD and ADD, and it was mindful meditation and self inquiry that allowed me to step back from the mind. If I could get throught it, anybody can.

You can not conquer the psychological mind without genuine meditation. Because, in reality, you aren't the one thinking of suicide, it's your persona, an idea of yourself in your mind, which is entertaining those thoughts and that's not you. Trying to conquer the mind by using the mind is like trying to change the oil in your car using the sludge in the oil pan.

When the psychological program of the persona is failing, crumbling or attempting to self destruct, it's time to leave the dream state of the psychological mind and Ego behind and discover your true Nature. Liberation is knocking at your door and it's time to answer it. Consider the possibility that if you don't do so in this lifetime, a similar challenge awaits you in the next.

I know the mind can make a convincing argument as to why it thinks you should terminate its program, but the truth is that the mind doesn't know anything about you, it doesn't even know you exist. It only works with ideas and assumptions about your persona. Assuming this persona to be you, you give it the power of your belief which makes it a living, experiential Hell on Earth.

Please consider mindful meditation to get out of living in the thoughts of the mind. This will give you the stable, peaceful ground you need to go deeper into the truth of yourself so that you may find liberation in this life

TLDR Keep calm, Carry on and practice mindful meditation.