Hello...im on my phone so pardon the obvious grammar mistakes. Pre-baptism: I was raised by inactive mormon converts. Without going into to much detail ive had a lifetime of abuse...tragedies ..assaults ..which turned me to alcohol and drugs for most of my life to cope. When i was in my early 30s i lost my family thru divorce and custody issues...lost my career i had just graduated school from to start. ...and everything else.
I found myself completely and utterly alone in life as if i had been transported back in time to my childhood. I had always believed in God and i prayed without ceasing since my earliest memories nearly every day thru adulthood. I just resigned myself to "the fact" that God couldnt love as no one else ever had.
After many suicide attempts and a couple near death experiences (and run ins with the demonic) i knew i was going to die by my own hand and very soon. All human strength and will to go on had completely left me. I truly did have no purpose in life other to exist being carried to a fate unknown.
One night i had a vision of a cross on top of the most beautiful church i had ever seen but i forgot about this quickly. A year later i had to move in with family as my health and heart from previous attempts was very bad. One day i was driving down the road close to my new "home" and i saw the cross and the church and i instantly recalled my vision.
I went to Mass and felt a truth about God unlike i had ever known. I watched ppl kneel and pray with such reverence and humility and i remember wondering why they would so publicly show their love for God...what was God and why did he deserve to be worshipped? In the part of the mass where it says "it is truly right and just to worship God"...it confronted me with the hardness in my heart toward God. I had been angry at him and resentful for years because i blamed him for things that happened in my life.
I kept going to mass everyday and i started learning about sin and the effects of sin. For the first time in my life i understood what had happened and why i was being tormented to suicide for most of my life.
I learned about sanctifying grace and that when i committ mortal sin much less live in it for over 30 years it opens me up to demonic attacks. I watched videos by the Venerable Fulton Sheen...i learned everything i could about all things spiritual because i was literally fighting for my life and unbeknownst to me at that time my very soul.
I started to develop a conscience for the first time since early childhood. I had found new "friends" after i lost my family and slowly i started distancing myself from their alcohol and drug filled lifestyle. My loneliness has always driven me to seek out ppl in anyplace so i wouldnt be alone and one night i went to their house. They had previously mentioned they have demons that give them power a while back but i dismissed it because tthey were drunk. So i went there and made the horrible choice to drink with them. I was woken up by a guy and i said "jack"..."whats goin on? He said.."my name is not jack. He kept saying his name was not jack everytime i tried to talk to him. I asked him what his name was and he told me "wouldnt u like to know"..i dont know why but i said i was praying to Jesus when he woke me up. He started growling and had a horrible look in his eyes. I thought he might assault me and maybe kill me. I got up from the floor i was passed out on and threw on my shoes and ran to my car to quickly leave. These are ppl i had known for at least 3 years and never had i seen this ...then i remembered the conversations of them telling me they had given themselves to demons and other things they mentioned.
I never went back. It just confirmed in my mind the spiritual things i was learning and the forces of darkness are real. I had a blessing the next day.
I went thru RCIA and was confirmed in 2015. I dont drink or use anymore because i know that for me all manner of sin and evil enter my life. As long as i remain in a state of grace the demonic forces that want me to end my life are for the most part silenced. Im not talking about auditory hallucinations etc although one particularly bad night years before my baptism something demonic laughed in my face milimeters from my nose. There have been other experiences in my past.
My point is though that i believe in the Catholic Church because it tied all the pieces together for me in my life. My past experiences in life give me absolute knowledge its true. I can attest to the power of the Rosary..the Chaplets..the intercession of Saints because of the fact i am alive. I know God saved me from death many times. I knew before i found the Church that i am taking myself as i am with me when i die. I am so thankful i have been given a chance to ammend my life.
I committed some terrible sins in my former life that i believe i am paying much temporal punishment for in my mortal life now. There are so many things i want to say....ive thought about writing of all my experiences down and what i have learned. My empirical evidence for my faith is the life i lived and the freedom i found it thru Jesus Christ and his sacraments.
Wishing u peace.