Was dating this girl for a while who only really liked fuckin around when our friend and her boyfriend were also fucking around in the same bed. So one day were all in her bedroom, our friend was dry humping her boyfriend's leg like she was trying to start a fire and I was two knuckles deep in her when her bedroom door gets slammed open. Her dad is standing there and asking us what we were doing (think I got my first gray hair in this moment). We say oh nothing we were just reading the Bible and praying for all those sinners. He goes oh OK well supper is ready and yall look hungry....you ever had to eat dinner with a hard-on while staring at your girlfriend's father?

Same girl a few months later. She told me she had locked her door and hadn't (how did she not learn her lesson the first time...this is why I have trust issues) I'm going down on her on her bedroom floor when her little brother walks in. I had reflexes like a cat back then so I jumped away from her slamming my fucking head against her solid wood bed frame (I didn't say I was a graceful cat). He stands there for a second and just goes "Julie, dad wants to see your boyfriend in the shed". Now her dad is a scary motherfucker (jacked up mechanic) and I figured I burned through my lifetime alotment of dumb luck the first time and if her brother is smarter than he looks he's gonna tell her dad that I was giving the ol bearded clam a seeing too and he's gonna beat me near to death with one of his big mechanic wrenches.

......

He wanted me to help him move a bigger TV into her bedroom. We broke up not long after, I figured it was crucial to my health to date someone safer....and smarter