It used to affect me quite a bit. I found it to be extremely depressing, at the time, that I was so worthless I couldn't even kill myself right. I had been talked out of it by a good friend of mine and subsequently spent a few weeks listening to "Year of the Rat" by Badly Drawn Boy on repeat, constantly going over the moment I decided to not go through with it. I spent the next few years talking with counselors like you would expect, but I didn't really like to talk to people about my problems because I didn't want to be a burden (despite the obvious fact that they're paid to listen to problems like that.) I wouldn't say that those years were particularly depressing afterwards, but they certainly weren't happy. I just kind of went through the motions. It was like I actually succeeded, but my body didn't get the message.

However, that changed after awhile. Fast forward to the summer of 2010. I was in college, and I didn't have enough money to go home for the summer. So, long story short, I had to stay back and find a job/apartment and ended up meeting nearly all of my current friends while working for the college. The failed attempt isn't really something that bothers me anymore. I got to a point where it all of a sudden became obvious that other people really did care that I was there. I'm not exactly bubbling with happiness and smiles, but I've been able to learn what being happy actually feels like...and I'd kinda like to stick around to experience more of it. They all know now what happened, and I'm sure that there are things that they don't talk about when I'm around because it brings back memories...but all friends do that. Everyone has issues. Finding the right support makes all the difference.