Those who have had a relationship break up after 5+ years, why? Why did it work for so long and then suddenly just...not?

Oh man where to start. Different goals, different aspirations, different experiences in life I suppose. For me anyway, one thing in particular stands out.

I've always been real frugal with spending. I told her and myself we will never be without a place to live and will never need to go crawling back to our families should we hit hard times. I bought us a decent house and began setting up a substantial emergency fund. I refused to ever be in a spot where I'd have to worry about mortgage payments should tough times hit. I had the means of preventing that so I went balls to the wall in reaching that goal. She was mad that I never took her out to fancy dinners or bought her nice jewelry, or let her splurge with some money once in a while. She gave me shit for this a lot when we first bought our house and it really made me feel terrible, always talking about how her friend's husband (mind you they were seriously in debt living paycheck to paycheck) bought her all this stuff etc.. She did later apologize for all that, but looking back it really stuck with me even if she was honestly sorry. Maybe she was right though, maybe I should've been a little more easy going with money, I don't know. I will save this though, I wasn't out blowing money on myself either. I was being frugal to protect us!

I felt like we weren't a team. For most of our relationship I've been the one to bear the entire burden. I understand this is what a spouse is supposed to do to support the other, but I guess I just started becoming weary. I've always handled all the finances, been the one to clean the house and keep it straight, cook dinner, take care of the vehicles, do all the yard work, and plan for the future, everything! The only thing I didn't plan was our wedding and I got bitched out for not helping plan it! I became bitter, shut myself off emotionally, and ended up where I'm at right now.

Of course, this is just my side of the story. My soon to be ex is an overall good person and I do respect her. She is kind and caring and will make someone happy one day. I've learned a lot and I'm sure she has too, and neither of us will hopefully repeat the mistakes we've made.

/r/AskReddit Thread