Those who've gone through the arranged marriage process (particularly those who were brought up in a western country), I need some advice/want to hear your stories.

Hi there! Thought I would chip in to help out as you contemplate your possible arranged marriage...I will keep this short as I am busy at work...

brief background - I was raised in the US since I was 3 and got married at 30. Essentially the prototypical Indian-American - have ivy league business school degrees, live and work in NYC.

before I got married, I wasn't sure if/how I would meet the right person. My sister got married in her 20s via an arranged marriage. She and her husband are both doctors.

Note when I use the term "arranged marriage" it is loosely defined as an introduction to someone with similar cultural backgrounds by an familial acquaintance. The broader goals the family is trying to ensure is that both the girl and guy will have a happy and prosperous future and maintain their cultural heritage. That entails understanding each other, the family backgrounds, and if everyone (meaning especially you, your parents, siblings feel comfortable with the other side, etc).

The Indian "arranged introduction" approach isn't that different from Jdate, or Christian mingle, or Match.com, or eHarmony or your friends trying to set you up with someone. In all cases, either your friends, or a matching algorithm, or in the Indian case your parents/family friends are trying to set you up with someone - if you guys like each other great, otherwise move on to the next one.

There are some advantages - having been married for a few years now. One is the understanding of each other's perspective from the cultural narrative is huge! It makes for a very close and intimate relationships that helps you navigate the invariably tough issues that come up during the marriage. It also helps you be more genuine, since you can be more of who you are / your comfort - since your partner has a similar background. Invariably I have seen many friends and acquaintances that are married to really nice partners, but they have to compromise who they are and also what makes them happy since their partner may not fully understand or appreciate.

To your question on the timing, we first spoke on the phone (she was in school for her MD at the time), we met a few weeks after. We kept seeing each other over the next six months and then her parents wanted to ensure we had an engagement ceremony the temple- we married a year after that - all in all about 20 months from the first conversation.

hope that helped and good luck!

/r/india Thread