Well I first off my anxiety has always been there. It's hereditary and just about everyone in my family has anxiety. I didn't think much of it until 2007. I was in high school and was attacked by gang members. I eventually grew tired of this and fought the gang member and bested him in a fist fight. This impressed the rival gang and they wanted to recruit me. I then got out of the school and sent me to private school.

The private school was much different but I was so used to violence and chaos that I went to this private school and I realized I developed PTSD. I never got in a fight in that private school

Then in 2007 I got news that my father and mother committed a white collar crime that I was unaware of. They both went to jail and I was left homeless overnight. My mother then left my father for another woman she met in jail and my parents who were together for 30 years got divorced. The woman she met turned out to be a crack addict and sold basically all of our possessions for crack. We lost everything. We went from upper middle class to poor overnight

I was doing better up until 2016 when I got robbed at gunpoint and almost was killed. I then had to go back on benzos and haven't been off them since.

In 2017, I worked security in Chicago. I had to throw out a gang member in a store I was doing loss prevention for. He then put a hit out on my life. Luckily I knew a former member of that gang that still had great repoire with that gang because he helped to build it. He set up a sit down meeting with the gang. He told me that if this went right everything I did would be forgiven. If it went wrong then I would be killed on the spot. I then went to this sit down meeting plead my case and I was given a pass. I could have easily wound up dead but didn't.

In 2019 my mental health was doing great. Then COVID hit and all my coping mechanisms were shot to hell. It's been all downhill from there.