This feels like a perfect opportunity to share something I've been joking about with my friends all week.

Straight guys can be confusing as all hell. They're completely oblivious sometimes.

There's a guy that works in the cafeteria in the hospital that I work for. When my coworkers went through line to get food, he'd ask where I was working and come find me. He'd hang out for ten or fifteen minutes and then go back to work before he got in trouble. We'd both run our trash to the dock, where the trash compactor is located, at 9pm so we could meet up and shoot the shit for a few minutes. Nothing overtly flirty or anything, but I took it as a good sign that he was going so far out of his way to meet up with me regularly. I haven't seen him for the past four months so last week I asked one of the girls in the cafeteria if he had quit. She told me that he had gone back to college and was working mornings, part time, and evenings every other weekend.

Guess who showed up Monday morning? He said that he heard I was asking about him so he changed his schedule this week so he could see me and he told me that I should change my schedule so that we worked the same weekend. We both work every other weekend, but we're on opposite weekends. He gave me his number and told me to text him.

Found out pretty quickly when I started texting him that he's straight and has a girlfriend.

My city's gayest straight man.