It is a horrid crazy making chaotic feeling when you are first hit with this ugliness. I had never suffered so deeply and felt so lonely ever, despite having had a very rough beginning in life. What I hear in your statement is about him him him and little of.you. I was completely unaware of what it meant to be a co-dependent and how it was an obvious outcome of my childhood. I learned about my part in giving everything away to someone else, hoping I could insure being loved. The problem is that there are many people who will prey on those of us who have learned poor boundaries growing up. You are free of this person. This is your greatest gift. You can learn and grow and save yourself from another relationship like this one. Try your best to separate your self worth from your ex's actions. I suggest to keep reading the posts on this sub and see the pattern of devastation, shock, and usually eventual recovery. Lean on all the support you have to get you through this extremrly vulnerable time.