That last sentence "Give your parents, family etc a big hug nothing lasts forever" really hit because its the truth We too often take stuff for grantet and once its gone it will never return.

When i lost my Grandpa i did not visit him the 2 days before that because i was sick if i only had known i would never see him again...

My mother is also very sick, not to an extend that shes in pain daily but i can see it coming and im afraid of that day.

Im sorry you had to endure this and i agree with your "take things into own hands" philosophy. If cancer comes to me and its clear my last years will just bw suffering from it id rather end the ride on my own will as well.