Oh no :(

You know what? I read a lot of psych related texts and I've read about overt narcissism a million times, and while there were similarities, it didn't quite fit. Until now: COVERT narcissism. I've just read up on it..and well.. I'm even more sad. These personalities are so difficult to recover from and unfortunately this fits my situation so perfectly :(

I apologise in advance for writing so much. You don't have to read it, it was a little therapeutic for me just to write it.

I read this text so the following excerpts are from here: http://infoselfdevelopment.com/covert-narcissism-know-your-emotional-abuser/

They pretend to be lovers, givers, altruistic, loyal and kind. These individuals are projecting to the outside world a calm and patient mirror but on the inside, they are as deeply selfish and narcissistic as overt narcissists. Yes. He never lets his friends or family see what he's doing to me. And one time after an abusive episode (both verbal and physical) I walked away from him, his friend asked, "how can she leave when you're so stressed, she seems so nice. Why did she leave?" and he acted completely oblivious "I don't know why". No one has any idea what he is really like.

Both overt and covert narcissists have grandiose fantasies, feel entitled and exploit and abuse people ....and know that showing or displaying their true self will get in the way of achieving the power, recognition and the self centered success they crave Yes. He craves power and control and success, and it's worked for him. He is successful. But he uses people and undervalues their time and effort and underpays/under appreciated them, without batting an eyelid. And he can't comprehend when they act out and why.

The tell tale signs to help you recognize a covert narcissist: These are the ones that apply:

• Emptiness, seems to have something missing that you can’t quite put your finger on.

• Stubborn, rarely apologising unless they want something from you (see narcissistic supply).
  Yes. He apologises to calm a situation and get me to open up again but it doesn't feel real because when he's angry he takes it back.

• Ability to make you feel guilty, even when something is not your fault.
  Yes..with everything.

• Entirely self centered; they are the center of their own universe.
  I can't even tell you the number of times I've thought/said this.

• Expert liars; charming, hypnotic, a master of manipulation.
  Yes.

• Projecting their insecurities and defects onto you.
  Yes.

• Very sensitive to constructive criticism Yes..Near impossible to give any feedback without being attacked.

• Inability to feel genuine remorse Unsure if genuine or not.

• Low emotional intelligence.
  YES - this was the first thing I noticed and have said repeatedly

• Highly materialistic.
  Moderately I believe

• Extreme lack of empathy.
  Yes, and oblivious to it. Extremely sensitive when I mention lack of empathy.

• Superficially charming.
  Yes

Next part

• Risk taking: Extreme narcissists often move from relationship to relationship very fast because they don’t like to be alone, needing constant attention. They are not at all risk averse and take all kinds of risks; financial, extreme sports or anything that make them feel alive and skirting with danger.
  Yes - there's been no gap between the last few relationships. His last relationship had been on they way out for quite some time but it didn't end until I was in the picture and we got together right away.
  Yes - very much into extreme sports (sky diving, swimming with sharks, bungee jumping etc - he loves that thrill)
  

Denial: Narcissism often stems from childhood issues ..but a narcissist will often paint their childhood as near to perfect
He says his upbringing with his parents was fine, they're kind/loving etc, but he has once mentioned abuse from an extended family member (we don't talk about that) ..and also, I've only met his parents once, the rest of the time he goes alone. Meanwhile we see my family together nearly once every week or two.

Narcissists want somebody to mirror them, they need people to reflect the false image that they have of themselves, not wanting to face the fact of who they are, what they do and how cruel they are.
Yes. My life basically reflects what/how he wants things to be. We live and do everything in a way he wants, no matter how many times I've told him I can't handle his lifestyle/routine. He doesn't appear to care though, and won't change anything.

• They don’t want to acknowledge the anger and rage that exist inside of themselves.
  Yes. His anger and rage does show itself when we're fighting, his eyes go lifeless and this different person appears, it's extremely terrifying. So I know the anger is there, and he does too.. But he ignores it and won't get to the root of it. (I have some theories as to the cause.)

• They see people as objects; if you can make them successful, if you can make them enter a certain group of people, if you blindly and naively love them, if you have anything that can be useful to them emotionally, socially or financially in the present or the future, then you qualify as a source of supply.
  Yes, and lord help me if I dare mention this.

• This can go on for a long time, until you are not useful to them anymore or you challenge them about who they truly are, worst still you expose them to the world! At this point they will discard you like an old rag, without remorse or regret; as if you never existed. They will also discredit you so that no one will ever believe that you have been their victim, if anything they will play the victim and point the finger back at you! YES!! Holy moly. :( when I've packed my things to leave, he says to me "wait and see" .. "Everyone is going to know how much of a whore/slut/other insult, you are". Either that or threatening to kill me and hurt my family.

Narcissistic supply is the thing they need to bolster their weak sense of self and they take without giving anything back.
Yes. I often feel so drained because he's always taking from the relationship and never putting anything back in. I shut down and just give up for a while each time I reach that point.

Who they target and how they catch their victims?
Narcissists can target anyone including strong and independent people but their favorite source of supply is most often highly sensitive, empathetic and caring, people with low self esteem, an inability to set healthy boundaries, and with issues they too are carrying over from childhood.
Bingo. Me in a nutshell.

If I don't stop now I'm going to copy and paste that whole website. It's as though someone has written his biography and just removed his name. I feel so sick right now. I know how hard it is to get through to these individuals.