Be me
Finnish
Work on popular cruise line as cleaner
Love my job
There is a cleaner that I can't stop thinking about
She stops showing up one day
Find out through grapevine that America was responsible for this
Rumor is obese American named Ronald McDonald pulled her into the cabin and forced her to look at his feces before screaming "LET THE EAGLE SOAR" and flushing it
Will get my revenge
Bide time
Cross border into Russia, will also make those commie bastards pay
PretendtoRussian.exe
Join ranks of hackers
Pour over Facebook data secretly while doing my "job" of getting Trump elected because fuck America
Find the guy I think is the culprit
Because Facebook, learn everything about him. Learn his schedule. Learn his habits. Learn his address.
PretendtoAmerican.exe
Disguise is complete
Have gained 300 pounds
Stop using free healthcare so my health is so poor I can barely move
Disguise is perfect you would have no idea I wasn't John MotherFucking McWayne
Fly to America
CountOfMonteChristo.Exe
Break into mans house
Discover woman of my dreams
She stammers "what's going on here?" in Finnish that has been broken by years of living in America
Realize everything I've been living is a lie
Ronald McDonald comes downstairs
I am paralyzed by rage, saddness, and feel utterly defeated
Shoots me 17 times because American home owners are dangerous psychopaths
Crappy American healthcare system bankrupts me, die from substandard hospital conditions anyway
Trump gets second term
What have I done?