Go through TSA with expired ID, then ask brother to throw the new one through exit gate. Brother of course can't throw that far, so shout at passerby to help pass dropped ID, then reach over security gate to pick it up. What could go wrong?

Customs is so weird sometimes. I'm an American and ended up in a secondary screening area for foreigners.

I was coming back from Australia. After being on the ground for an hour in Melbourne, we landed in LAX after 17 hours of flight time. I was a zombie. The CBP agent seemed to be a recent immigrant from southeast Asia and did not speak English fluently - it was very strange. I have no idea how he got that job. Anyway, because we both had a hard time communicating, he sent me to the secondary screening area. Well, I'm usually waved through customs at airports, so this was new to me. It turns out that I was the only white American in this room. And the entire purpose of this area was to intimidate and yell at foreigners. When I was called up the agent was super aggressive to me. And when I tried to hand my passport and declaration from to him he refused. It was a very weird exchange of both of us not really understanding what was happening and talking past each other. But he kept trying to nail me on how long I was in Australia. Or so I thought. Turns out he didn't realize I was American.

"So you're traveling to America and don't know how long you're going to be here?"

"I'm from here.."

He got very uncomfortable, immediately apologized, and waved me through without looking at my bags or declaration form. To this day, I'm not entirely sure what weird secondary screening room I stumbled into. They weren't searching any bags or looking for customs violations, just literally yelling at minorities. It was surreal.

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