the only time i’ve ever legitimately feared for my life was probably 1st or 2nd grade during lunch. I took a half ass bite of a big tortilla chip, one piece was big as fuck though. I could feel the chip poking into the inside of my throat, which really freaked me out. So I quickly jog to try to tell my teacher but she just brushed me off and told me to go get water from the water fountain. I sprinted over to the fountain and drank a lot, but it all was just passing by the giant fucking chip lodged in my throat. I started really freaking out and ran into the bathroom, closed the door to a stall, sat on the toilet, and prayed to whatever god there was that this wasn’t where it ended...

With how things have been going recently, I’ve been thinking maybe I wish that chip took me right there. Bathroom stall death sounds kinda rockstar right now.