No, and this is all tied into the reason why I would never try to get him convicted... the full story:

I have amnesia. Stress (physical pain or muscle strain or tiredness, etc. or emotional) will cause my mind to freak the fuck out and I will black out for extended periods of time and also hallucinations too. I began typing out the specifics, and if you're interested I could describe it more, but most of it isn't relevant.

Really, after lots and LOTS of meditation and treatment and therapy I am at the point that when I am blacking out, I take "snapshots" that feel very dreamlike. I do not remember 95% of what happens, and sometimes I fill in the blanks with false information. The hallucinations are just like those you'd get from shrooms (yes, I have tried hallucinogenics. no, it is not related. The hallucinations started after 3 months of abstinence from ALL drugs and got REALLY bad before I tried hallucinogenics. I tried them FOR SCIENCE! haha, and because it was fun. Altogether, not necessary. I trip balls when perfectly sober).

Anyway, the most debilitating effects from the amnesia occur when I am REALLY blacking out. Like RULLLLL BAD. I cannot talk or form sentences and I lose most of the control over my frame. I sag a lot and may fall over. I look like I am fine though otherwise. In the beginning, my friend had to carry me home from classes almost every day (he is STRONG, and awesome haha) because I literally could not have made it alone. I have better diet and habits now in general, so it takes a LOT to get me to this point.

Can you see the scenario now, knowing all of that? Here I am, hanging out in what I thought was a safe place as I begin to black out. I probably told him what was happening before it got bad, and later I found out that he knew I wasn't "all there" or "into it", as he said.

When I woke up the next day, I thought it was some crazy bizarre dream... until I noticed the blood down there. It was not menstrual blood, and there was no serious injury or scar tissue (thank G-d). I know it must have been real though... I did not remember it as more than a dream, and yet there was the evidence.

I stayed with him thinking that he just must not have known that I was blacking out so badly. He continued to manipulate and emotionally abuse me and convince me that if I was not wearing a shirt around him (my SO, in my own home) that he would be confused and think I wanted to have sex. The old, "what was she wearing" bullshit. I fucking fell for it because I am selfless and aware that I mis-remember things and whatever else. He kept trying to have sex with me, and I kept being more and more turned off by the idea. Sleeping with him was starting to even PHYSICALLY hurt me (like because of psychology though).

So I broke up with him and we tried being friends. He was an awful manipulative person, and once I was a little more emotionally distanced from him, I realized it. Finally, I asked him about that night and he told me he knew. He knew I was blacking out and that I "wasn't into it" but he "just really wanted to have sex". This was on chat online, because by this point I was scared to see him again lest he convince me it was my fault some more.

After THAT conversation, I started calling it rape. And it affected me like rape would... so shrug. I don't like the idea of ruining someone's life over a toxic relationship. He is not very strong, and I could have fought him off (I have fought off bigger men than him before) if I was not blacking out. I don't think he could do it again to another person, and so I don't care to pursue legal action.

He was also struggling with depression, and may still be, so that could be a part of it, I don't know. I have like empathy super powers and a major disability (I have a service dog now because if things are "off" he is trained to bark and/or protect me).