3. TIL that 47% of male victims of domestic abuse are threatened with arrest. 21% a...

TIL that 47% of male victims of domestic abuse are threatened with arrest. 21% are arrested.

Had three incidents exactly like this with my ex-wife. The first was when she bit and scratched off skin and jumped on my back as I was running away and bit me on my back. Had a sheriff's deputy and a city police officer called to the house by the neighbors because as I was trying to get her off me she said she hit her head and told them I was choking her(she bruised easily and the marks were on her chest as I was trying to keep her away from me). The city police talks to me gets my statement and goes back to the crazy ex-wife (who is at the neighbors) and gets her statement. The sheriff's deputy keeps asking me if she caught me sleeping around because women just don't do this over nothing. 

 This all started because her grandfather was dying and as I was holding her trying to console her she said she didn't want him to suffer anymore (he had about a ten year battle with cancer) and asked if that made her selfish. I said no she just saw how bad he had it. This starts the immediate yelling of how insensitive I am and I tell her there is no way I can try and talk to her in this way and go to bed. She chased me in there ripped my shirt and begins biting and scratching. Even after the sheriff's deputy sees the bite marks on my back and tries to figure out how they could be defensive wounds he still insists that I must have been sleeping around because this just doesn't happen because we've been drinking. He then tells me that despite the defensive wounds he tells me I have he thinks he will still need to arrest me because this happened in Texas and I guess there is some sort of law that they have to remove one person from the house if called for domestic violence. The only thing that saved me from arrest was the city police officer tells him there is no way to charge me because my story matches all the evidence and my ex-wife made no sense, so she gets arrested.

I leave her, she sobers up for a couple months begs me to come back. I come back then one night she convinces me she can handle a beer or two while we're out with friends. I'm sure she was sneaking more alcohol in because she got piss drunk. There were a couple random guys at the bar rooting for the Heat during the NBA finals one wearing a LeBron headband. She doesn't like the Heat so starts a "fight" with them (Heat lost that game so she feels justified teasing them). While I'm talking to our friends she comes back wearing his headband. Our female friend looks at her and tells here that she is disrespecting her husband and demand she take the headband off. The wife does (friend is a firecracker of an older lady and did some time ex-wife didn't mess with her) and we leave maybe 20-30 minutes later. In the car the ex-wife complains about not being allowed to talk to other men (she did and I had no problem until she was wearing his stuff and then saw she was talking to him by putting her hands all up and down his back). She then starts to yell at me and I tell her I can't talk to her when she's drunk so we'll talk in the morning. She yells even louder and tries to jump out of the car so I swing my arm over to grab her and pull in a parking lot. She jumps out and starts yelling how dare I hit her among other things so I get her in a bear hug and tell her I'm not letting go until she calms down. A van with a lady and man pull over and the lady runs over yelling at me to let her go. I tell her she has no clue what's going on and the lady threatens to call the police. I told her please do. As soon as that lady puts the phone down I let go of crazy ex-wife and ex-wife starts swinging at me at which point I simply back away while she continues to swing. I look at the other lady and ask her what she's going to do now. Her and the man get between me and the ex-wife and ex-wife is still swinging and hits the lady. Lady can only think man must have done something. When the police get there they tell me the same thing first guy said about domestic violence and threaten to arrest me. Then as they talk to all of us they realize I was the one being attacked and that she even hit the other lady because she is too angry. They actually asked me to take ex-wife home and I asked why she's not being arrested. Police said there were no marks and she had calmed down enough to not be a threat(at least not there). I told them I didn't want to take her home but they gave her a ride right to our house(very nice send the domestic violence perpetrator back to their victim).

Third time was at a baseball game. This was actually the first incident before I knew how crazy she was. We would go to two games a week with our partial season tickets(minor leagues). We had an agreement that since I worked during the week I would be designated driver on the weekday games and she would be on the weekend games(she didn't work at all). This lasted one week. The second Saturday game we are at she grabs a beer and I asked her if she remembered she was driving she says yes she's only having one. She then has about six or seven more, so I quit after two because I see she's not quitting. After the game I tell her I'm driving because she's had too much. She yells at me that she's fine. So when we get to the car, I get in the driver's seat and tell her to get in the passenger seat. She keeps yelling then starts yelling for help. Some do-gooder off duty officer comes over and grabs me and we get in a scuffle (I've been in the military 15 years and am not an expert but can defend myself) before he calms down and I explain the situation and then he tells me he's an off-duty officer and calls the police. The uniformed police get there and they tell us there is no way either of us should be driving and threaten to arrest me for attacking her. I asked where they came up with that and I guess that is what she told them to save her drunk ass. I told them none of that happened and the first guy even said that when he came to the car I was sitting in the driver's seat and she was trying to pull me out while I did nothing.

So three times police threatened to arrest me and three times I got lucky that I didn't mostly because the ex-wife was horrible drunk. But she only was arrested the one time that was the biting and scratching incident and even then the prosecutor told me they couldn't figure out who was at fault. I remember my exact words to the prosecutor, "Next time I'll let her kill me so you know". After two years of trying to help her out and keep her sober I gave up and we are no longer married.

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