TIL According to psychologist Arthur Aron, there are 36 questions that could lead to love. Each question is more probing than the previous one and leads to a mutual vulnerability that fosters closeness. The final exercise is to stare into each other's eyes for 4 minutes.

Dude, I am so sorry for the pain you've had inflicted on you early in your life and that you continue to be ruled by it into adulthood. You clearly suffer a great deal of pain with every passing moment, I bet even in your sleep. I will hope for you that you find a way to release the self-imposed restrictions, pessimistic world view, suppression of positive feelings, and general nihilist existence you've carved for yourself in order to deal with your pain.

You've put yourself out there so I feel okay commenting on what you've said. You answered, "I tend to block terrible memories" to a question. I would like to beg to differ. You may not dwell on the specifics but in you I recognize someone who has chosen to live their life as an extension of their terrible memories. No sex, no affection, no wonderment or appreciation for all the good life can offer you. Your mind and soul seem to be in constant turmoil. You say you 'live for duty' which on the surface sounds noble but I suspect is just another way to give your life an empty purpose. Going through life biding time until you're 'free' of others so you can kill yourself is a cowardly and strange way to live.

I'm saying these things because you remind me of how I've felt before. Hell, sometimes the abused and neglected child in me still drives the bus. But then I, too, got 'stuck' here because of other people. But instead of plodding through life, miserably putting one foot in front of the other, I learned to turn my face to the sun and be grateful for a chance to live my life the way I want to live it. The traumas I experienced never go away. I still cry in the shower sometimes. But instead of living in spite of them, I live to spite them. I wake up genuinely happy. I smile at strangers. I help anyone I can. I practice micro-moments of gratitude every day. I no longer feel oppressed by my past, because at some point I realized if I continued to let my past define me, I was the one stepping on my own neck, not the people who hurt me before.

I'm sorry I'm ranting at you, and I suspect this will receive little than a 'No, that won't work for me" from you, because it's clear from your post that you've made up your mind to be miserable the rest of your life. It just pains me to see someone suffer in a way I am so very familiar with, and I do feel that by deciding to publicly answer these questions you clearly want someone to recognize the terrible pain you're in. So, here I am. I see it, and I hope you can see that there truly is a way to escape your mental prison. Good luck to you, and I really hope you live life to the fullest.

/r/todayilearned Thread Parent Link - nytimes.com