I kinda just glanced not even skimmed. It seems like you were real unhappy that I feel bad for you. Sorry bout that but you make it impossible not to feel bad for you.

You remind me so much of my brother. He was vicious just like you. I saw the moment his wall went up and he burried his heart. After that he got very negative about any sort of acknowledgement of what was happening to him/ what had happened to him.

He was never the same after that. She was beating him so hard he cried out every single time the metal of the belt buckle hit his ribcage with a full hard swing then when it was most intense he was in complete agony he stopped. He just stopped reacting completely. It was like he died right there.

After that he was pretty much so much like you that I kinda wonder, is that you Ted? ...

Anyhow. Funny how things turn out. I was wrong to assume you are a totally horrible person. You arent. You are just weak minded and prone to accepting a total demolishing of the only thing that matters really, your heart.

I think you have a lot of fight in you. You should try to channel that towards trying to get outside of your comfort zone. Maybe poke around in that proud chest of yours for your humanity.

Anyone spewing the extremely intense anger you are really worries me and it makes me sad.

Dont you know? You darned fool, it is you, the child you I am talking about when I advocate for services in communities that help with poverty related issues like abuse and neglect.

Im sorry you werent rescued. Someone should have scooped you out of that hell and been there to show you that you can function without rage right out in the forefront of your behaviour.

I noticed something about you having a partner. I hope the two of you are good to one another, and that you have a strong happy healthy relationship.

I wish you all the love and happiness and support you can get from this life.

That doesnt mean that I dont think you owe it to yourself to get healthier mentally, seek help. You cant be ok and that venomous. I will wager you are really struggling with some key elements in life carrying around that sort of chip (gouge) on your shoulder.

People like you can snap, thats never good. Be safe, try your best to better more than the product of what happened. This anger you have, its not in control, its a product. You are the only one throwing this magnificent tantrum about what I have said.

Anyhow...

I dont know what else to say.