Never thought I'd get a chance to tell this story on Reddit, but I don't think it's ever been more relevant.

So I worked seasonally in Denali Park, Alaska for a couple of summers. Towards the end of the summer this past summer, we had a big Bonfire in the woods near our housing area. Around 4 AM people start to leave to go to bed. Me and two friends stay behind to put out the fire.

Around 6 AM, we come stumbling out of the woods completely hammered. We hear a noise coming through the brush, and then out walks a fully grown bull moose right in front of us. This thing is probably about 10 feet tall, not counting it's antlers. It stares directly at us, its eyes full of hatred and evil.

I remember the lecture the state troopers gave us at the beginning of the summer on how to survive wildlife encounters. Moose often bluff charge to scare humans away, and are relatively easy to avoid by simply weaving in and out of trees/cars/buildings/etc. They run fast, but can't turn that fast.

So, this moose starts galloping towards us, picking up speed. The three of us haul ass. Now, keep in mind it's near pitch black other than our headlamps, and we're all fairly intoxicated. We get separated. I'm nearly pissing my pants in fear, running through the woods. I don't even know if it was following me at this point, and I also didn't know I was on the edge of a relatively steep hillside.

My foot hits a root or a branch or something these godforsaken woods had put directly in my path, and the next thing I know I'm tumbling head over heel down this hill.

By September, most of the foliage and greenery had already faded away, and while there was no snowfall on the ground yet, everything was barren. I rolled down this hill for what felt like forever, hitting every bush, tree limb, and rock on the way down.

I finally come to a complete stop as my face smashes into a spruce tree. I remember laying there for a few seconds, nose and mouth all busted up and bleeding, bruised all over and unsure whether I had done any serious damage.

After drunkenly assessing my situation, I stood up and yelled for help. My friends found me, and had to help carry me back to our housing complex about a mile and a half away. The look on the overnight front desk's lady as I stumbled in, clothes dirty and torn, arms/legs scratched to hell and back, and my face caked with dried blood is something I'll never forget.

TL;DR Fuck Moose.