I met her at college. I saw her across the room, approached her for no reason at all. I am a mediocre looking, shy dude with minimal luck with women. She is pretty, thin, blonde hair blue eyes, the whole deal. I basically did this because I was half drunk from the night before - we were getting Sunday brunch on campus - and I thought my buddy would get a laugh out of my rejection.

It didn't go amazing, semi awkward, but she wasn't rude. She'd tell me later she thought I was way older than I was (she's almost a year older than me). She basically thought nothing of it, I guess. I ended up getting her screen name through a mutual friend.

Anyway, dated all thru college, moved in after, engaged, married, and now our first house. It hasn't always been easy, neither of us are perfect.

But she does so many things, man. She infinitely kind, patient. She's her own person. She is unflappable. She has a good sense of what's right, especially by your family. She's made me realize how good a person can be. On the other hand, she's made me feel completely unworthy, as I am selfish and often childish.

I've grown up a lot. Actually, I wanted to write something because I miss her desperately. She is upstairs sleeping, and I'm on the couch, again. I'm here because she is sick, and I want her to rest. I...ah fuck it. She's suffering morning sickness. All the time morning sickness. We've only told two people. We have the three month test next week, though.

It's overwhelming, not knowing how to help. She can't hold anything down. She hates the way I smell, which is common I guess. That one kills me. I can barely get a hug without turning her stomach. And I do everything. No help. No company. I'm fine with the first one, actually. I hate keeping it secret, but I understand why we should.

So yeah. I'm so, so fucking excited. I just want her to get better. She's going to be such a great mom. I have no idea what I'm gonna do, but she'll, like she always does, at least point me in the right direction and let me learn for myself.

Sorry for the wall. I've been so lonely. I've never been so overwhelmed, with excitement, and concern, and....empathy, I guess? I am constantly choked up, and I'm usually pretty stoic. Anyone that's been through it, I'd love to know how it went, any advice. Or just shoot the shit. Whatever.