Tip of the day: Do yourself a favor and take mixed signals as a “no”

After my (30s male) professional relationship with a doctor (30s male) was over - we both were in a foreign country at the same time. I suggested meeting up for a quick drink if it worked out. We met for about 90 minutes. Chatted. He mentioned a girlfriend - who wasn’t on this trip - so I took it as a one time thing. He mentioned possibly getting together again back home - but i just thought he was saying it - like people do.

He said a few things in text after, like, I love the photo of us and seeing you was a highlight of my trip. Things I would never really expect a straight guy to say. He ended up inviting me out again back home and by the sound of it - i thought I was meeting him after he met some other people. I show up and there is another couple and he introduces a female - it ended up being his girlfriend but he didn’t publicly give her the title. I inquired when she left the table.

I squared up my tab and noticed that they didn’t have much chemistry. We walked to another store briefly and they didn’t hold hands or give off much of a vibe in that way. We would text some more and I would eventually put it out there that i had developed romantic feelings but knew based on his declaration of a girlfriend that it wasn’t going to be possible. He responded kindly that he wasn’t attached to men and that he could only offer friendship.

I pretty much thought I’d never hear from him again. Wrong. There’s was some more texting and I stopped by his new private practice with a card and some bubbly and around the same time he invited me to his new, huge, house. We chatted some. He didn’t have much to offer - but we talked shop and he said he was possibly going to invite his girlfriend to move in with him, since they had just been apartment shopping and the prices were pretty high. Um. So? You want her to move in with you to save her money? Not because you’re ready for a huge commitment and want babies and everything else?

The last time I saw him was when he asked me to do a shopping favor for him - since my job allowed me access to this particular store out of town - and so I picked up what he asked and he came by my house on a Saturday to get it and pay me cash for it. He didn’t stay long and that was it. There was of course more texts here and there and I’d occasionally get a “thinking of you” text since he would patronize the company I worked for from time to time.

Earlier this summer he texted a “thinking of you” and I said I’m doing well, and for a long time I would never reach out since I knew it’s a romantic and actual friendship dead-end. I asked him what he was up to and he said he was getting married in 2 weeks. I wished him the best. If I hear from him again I’m gonna be a little bit more than baffled and perhaps I’ll finally be candid with him. I knew this was never going anywhere, but I guess that brainwashed Hollywood romantic moron inside just kind of wondered if he was severely closeted and that maybe he was going to realize it, and finally ask me out on a date.

Um yeah. No. So if you’re in a similar stew, stop being polite and cordially responding. I need to work on my ghosting skills.

/r/dating_advice Thread