absolutely. I was sexually abused and completely mentally broken down by a close friend a few months ago and only now admitted it to myself. what happened before it reached that violent point was months of slowly escalating psychological manipulation to the point where I didn't feel like my own person anymore, just a zombie. I endured a lot, and forgave and forgave and still thought this person who hit and yelled at and forced himself on me was the greatest guy in the world. I couldn't see that, and was a shell of myself. Took two tries to fully extricate him from my life and even still, I run into him all the time. Like OP, I was also afraid he would kill himself or hurt me or people around me. I'm still afraid. I'm also very flinch-y, and feel waves of fear and nausea when I'm reminded of what happened by certain smells, noises, thoughts, etc. I thought I was weak stupid and pathetic, nothing without him, and it's hard to think of yourself as strong when your own thoughts and other people question your strength after going through a trauma like that.