Today I (M 41 HL) broke promises that I made to myself.

I do see what you are saying but I respectfully disagree. The boundaries have already been set. I mean she flipped over him trying a passionate kiss. Of course she thinks he is sulking and mad at her. It's what she expects because it's the game she is playing. If you aren't wanting sexual contact with someone who you know does, then you wouldn't be naked around them and flirting. She knew exactly what was going to happen and the expecting outcome was for him to be angry and kept in check.

By him stating the truth of "yea I'm pissed (smug look on wife's face) but not at you (look starts to falter) I'm mad at me (look is gone replaced by complete befuddlement)" because she just realized he is up to something and her game no longer has the effect she is used to. Had he just come right out and said, "Nope I'm not going to fall for it and I'm not chasing you and I no longer want it" then MAYBE they wouldn't have ended up in the situation they were in but then again maybe not. It very well could have been something innocent that snowballed quickly.

At this point and even before this situation there was no need for him to tell her of the promises he made to himself because it most likely wouldn't have changed anything. Odds are it would have made it worse. The situation OP discussed still probably would have happened or even worse because he wasn't pushing anymore and giving her that attention she would have been more aggressive and the outcome would have been the same except his emotions would have been even more fucked up because he would have thought she wanted him when she didn't. The whole "Oh you don't want me huh? we'll see about that!" bullshit. Then again she could have just been like "Fine" and go on with their lives as roommates.

It's my opinion that he did the right thing in not saying anything. The only mistake he made was not going into the situation with his eyes open. He let his judgement get momentarily clouded, with is understandable, and paid for it. Had he been a bit more careful he might have been able to avoid it.

/r/DeadBedrooms Thread