Yeah, casual dating and hookups just aren't for me. I'm just going to give it time and fall in love with someone new, meaningless sex is just a band-aid on an open wound. I've learned a lot from this past relationship and am hopeful about the future, and how things will go with my future partner.
I feel like a new person after all this physically and mentally, and I am going to give it my all next time. But I'm not going to ever try to force things with someone again, I feel guilty, gross, embarrassed and worthless after I do it. I know I have value too, and I just look stupid throwing myself down on my knees for someone repeatedly after already being rejected more than thrice.