I've been doing something similar along the lines the last couple years. It's always evolving but my captiacance for myself has gone up a lot.

I smoked some weed In hs regularly but was way to much for me. Very light weight. Got a vape and it turned out to be a blessing. It allows me to be more in my feelings

Now if I happen to be high and then get an emotional state from listening to a psychology book or video or reading reddit then I'll let my self feel. Let the emotions flow without stopping them. Just slowly sometimes iterating that I know it was a tough time, was just a kid. Feeling guilty for x y z, etc.

It's something like sitting still in a flowing river. Being immersed in them while having the knowledge I do now (reading books/listening etc has only reconfirmed my beliefs that at least I know the things I had to do). Whether or not I did all of them, it's ok.

Little me did what he was capable of and that is awesome. Persistent little kid, just slowly chugging along rather than stop thinking . Good kid mad city,