At the end of the day, a relationship between adults doesn't have any kind of minimum requirement of interaction. It's not "too much to ask" exactly, but she's also not obligated to mother you as an adult. If I was you, I would not want her to. She sounds like a MESS, and probably knows it. She probably also knows on some level that she failed you often as a child and hates to see reminders of her failures. I would NOT pursue a deepening relationship with this woman who wronged you as a child, still insults and berates you, and, frankly, is showing fairly obvious signs of not being that interested in helping you now. Why call someone who doesn't want to talk to you unless she's drunk, mom or not? You, like most of us, would benefit from therapy. You'd also benefit from understanding that your concept of a perfect adult parental relationship does not match the mother you have, and as much as it seems unfair and cruel, she really isn't obligated to become a better person now that you're pregnant and she's a grandmother. Seems like she's going to keep sucking, and you just can't force yourself on her. That's not how love works. Be around the people that want to be around you, and if you don't have enough of those people now, you'll just have to hope your circle grows with your family, as you meet mom friends or friends through other things. Don't cling to , or seek to deepen, unhealthy relationships just because you're related by blood. You can totally just see her on holidays, and keep the drama related to her to a minimum, for your child's sake. Your baby needs people that love it because they do, not because they're guilted into it, and so do you.